Friday, September 28, 2012

Oh how I love the diet honeymoon!

Y'all I've been back hardcore on Medifast for just about five days and I remember why I loved it so.

Turns out, when you go from eating Bad Food to eating 1000 calories a day you lose weight REAL FAST. Five pounds down.

Oh I know it's silly stupid weight and my body will adjust and say "fuck you I'm holding on to my cushion" in about a minute but let's just enjoy it today, okey doke?

And while we're enjoying it I will attempt to answer and comment upon your emailed and posted questions on the riveting subject of Lady Cardigan's Diet The Sequel some of which are my own internal questions and comments btw (as usual I reserve the right to embellish and project and interpret your questions in my own way):

1. Lady Cardigan, why the fuck would you go back on Medifast when you have admitted to gaining weight back (fast-ish) after using it before?

Medifast worked. It was ME that didn't work. While there's certainly a very wise argument to be made for going on a slower and ultimately more sustainable longer-term way of eating, I am just not patient (or smart) enough. I am a five-year-old and need the reward of quick results. Stupid, yes. But my cute clothes fit better faster and that is the important thing.

2. Seriously? Seriously?

Look, I know that the insane diet is insane. There are probably ten or twenty better ways to do this that have legs. Smart, slower, sustainable diets. I'm not doing this because I haven't spent endless hours on diet sites reading about every possible diet until my head nearly exploded. I'm doing this because it's the only thing that ever worked for me.

3. But won't you find yourself in the same boat on day soon...lose the weight, then gain it back, rinse, repeat?
Because! In between sessions, I hope to lose a scosh more, providing more wiggle room. But YES, I will be in the same boat but maybe a different pond. The problem these past few months is that I really didn't transition and (MOSTLY) I succumbed to food I've never ever eaten, really. I don't know why. I'm hoping to learn and avoid. Is this just gonna be my rollercoaster? Maybe! But I'd rather ride it then hang out at the snack shack along side. 


4. You should exercise. DUH.
Yes, I should. I do. Somewhat. I run fercrissakes. But, fact is, exercise firms up my dangly bits but it doesn't lose me any weight. It of course makes you feel great which leads to behaving great. But, I'm not up for it in any organized way. Been there, and etc you know the rest. 

5. You know diets don't work in the long run, right?
No. They don't. I have to be on a diet for the rest of my life. I know that. It makes me blue. But I'll survive.

*****
I wore a really cute outfit today but didn't take a picture. Mostly cuz I can't shake my blues over losing my sweet sweet girl Cotton. Can't shake 'em. Sorry.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Fuck fuck fuck

The worst day is the day your dog dies.

I know this from experience. Way fucking too much experience. Five times now. The latest being today.

Our nine-year old girl Cotton yelped in the middle of the night and by the time we got to her side a minute later, she was dead. The vet thinks maybe a stroke, but we'll never know.

We are devastated. Heartbroken, wrecked, achingly and overwhelmingly sad. I couldn't function most of the day because of the weeping.

My friend HGM posted this quote on Facebook:

"It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them, and every new dog who comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart. If I live long enough all the components of my heart will be dog, and I will become as generous and loving as they are."


Yeah. That. 

****

A few days ago I was sharing some work-related anxieties with a colleague and she said, "But I always thought you were so confident!" And I thought, "huh - I am!" I think the only way I can be confident is cuz I know my anxieties.

Same goes for happiness. I only get to be happy because I know grief. Days like this one, I just wish I didn't know it so gawddamn well.  


X to the O people. And I'll leave you with this picture of my sweet, special girl Cotton and me. I'm gonna miss that chin.



Monday, September 24, 2012

Oh deer!

My friend and colleague Ellen is just about the most wildly - and wholly uniquely - creative person I know. 

We'd been working together for about a month or so when she was in charge of our very first staff meeting warm-up (like kindergartners, we start every meeting with some sort of ridiculousness because of my kooky notion that it gets people out of their head and in to the room and thinking differently). In honor of national poetry month she had us read The Jabberwocky aloud in stanzas, each of us taking a turn. Dorky, right? Well, right, if you mean good-magical-now-a-tradition dorky. It wasn't at all what I had in mind as a warm-up - but it was lovely and perfect.


Since then - well, the list of things she's made and done for me is cra-cra long and totally unbelievable. The latest are these sweet little deer earrings that she sent for my birthday. Pink (despite the white-looking-ness of this photo, lest you forget I can't make the camerathingamajig work properly). With sparkles. LOVE. Thank you Ellen. They inspired a deer-like ensemble. 

Thrifted:
  • Light blue cotton cardi $4
  • Multi-colored paisley print full skirt $4
  • Brown wooden bangle $1
  • Brown wooden deer pin $2
  • Brown boots $10
Not thrifted:
  • Brown Great Day in Elk (which is LIKE a deer) t-shirt $20 (A Great Day in Elk is this wacky wonderful community festival in the tiny town a few miles south of our inn. Think moroccan lentil soup with flatbread from the community square brick oven, a locally grown violin/banjo/cello band, a pony ride which was basically a pony with a kid on it that a lady would just lead around the crowd, and - best of all - this 50 foot wooden greased pole with money stapled to it that these feral hippie kids would shimmy up and grab. RIVETING.)
  • Scrap of green fabric for a headband $0
  • Deer earrings - THANK YOU ELLEN!
What I would change about this outfit now that I've seen the photo:
  • Umm, this outfit? I look like fucking hobbit. Enough said. See previous post on going back on Medifast. However, I should tell you that Sir Cardigan said "That's a cute outfit" today when I came downstairs in this getup. So that's something.
Total outfit cost: $41

P.S. Thank you so much for your emails to me in response to yesterday's post about maintenance and re-weight loss! You guys are all correct - this *is* the hardest part of weight loss. By "this" I mean the part where you don't freaking gain all the weight back. I've always known it (and found about ninety times on this here blawg where I said out loud that I knew I'd have to be on a diet for the rest of my life) so I wasn't surprised. Just bummed. BUT NOT LIFE-BUMMED DON'T WORRY! Just diet-bummed.

Y'all had lots of nice and thoughtful ideas for me and I boiled it all down into one excellent and foolproof formula that I AM HOPING works for me (but maybe not anyone else). It's this:

I'm one serious badass chick. 

Silly, right? And so damn arrogant. But, cross your fingers, it might just be the best incentive for me. You see, I like to be known as badass. I do. Not mean. But strong, independent, my own person, a little fearless (other than of heights, bridges, rock-y things, and the space between the jetway and the airplane). Hopefully that's not a shock to anyone. But get this...in order to be one serious badass chick, I have to in fact be badass. Get my shit together. Not be lazy. Get shit done. Stop whining. Be the best I can be. Remember a week ago when I wrote about getting serious? Yeah, getting serious is really just a euphemism for baddening the ass. It's an awesome circle, badassness. You can't be badass if you have no willpower. And for the times I think I have no willpower, fuck that, badassess have willpower for ten. That is who I am. It is. I'm sorry if that's all embarrassingly egotistical but at the age of 47 I would just like to be honest about who I am and who I aspire to be. Badass. 

The end.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

On my own

Yeah. So. This whole maintain and oh, well, now lose what you've gained while, ha ha, "maintaining" thing is not working. 

I can't do this on my own. Balrhaoijpoiqrewr0iujq34.

Oh, I know HOW to do it. I just don't do it. Well, I do it, and then I don't and then I do and then I don't. Y'know? Fuckity fuck fuck.

Dieting is not rocket science. I know pretty much exactly how many calories, carbs, protein, etc that I need to consume every day. And on a good day, I do it. The problem is that there are too many days I just don't do it. If you've ever dieted, you know. The cheating. The crap food that I would never have eaten Before now is irresistible to me. What. The. Fuck. 

So, I'm thinking maybe I should just go full-on Medifast again? It bums me out to type that and I am not all that certain I can swing it. I mean, my problem isn't that I don't know what to eat, it's that I go off and off and off. Not sure what would keep me from doing the same if I go back on Medifast. Maybe the idea that I've spent dough on it? Or that I am doing it quite publicly? Ay yi yi. 

Anyone who has been in my shoes, feel free to tell me what to do. And if you know me at all, I rarely ask what to do on account of my extreme self-sufficiency so you know I must really want some insights if I'm actually asking for 'em.

Oh, but please don't tell me not to diet. I do need to lose weight again. That is just that. Plus if I am dieting, I will wear and take pictures of cute thrifted clothing outfits again. And isn't that the important thing?

Monday, September 17, 2012

SRSLY

OH HAI.

I'm back, friends! And after a summer of gluttony and whackadoodle busy-ness, I'm hunkering down and getting serious. About weight loss, work, life, etc.

It's not that I haven't been serious the last few months. Gawd knows that I've been gawdamn full up serious with work, events, travel, guests at the inn, and good times. But I kind of let the pace be in charge of me rather than vice versa. AKA, me being in charge of the pace. So, now, I'm letting all the fall marketing ploys about back to school and summer's over and all that work their bullshit on me in a good way.

I've continued to stall about getting back on Medifast because of, oh, you know, the lies that dieters tell themselves (like, "I can't go back on my diet yet because Winesong (a superfun wine and snacks event in Mendocino) is coming up and I will totally go off for that so why bother starting?" ETC AD NAUSEUM.

It's not just the diet part though. It's also the swell of work and feeling like I hop on the ride in the morning and just try to swing at all the curves without stepping back to freaking think and prioritize one gawdamn minute.

Plus my house is messy. Also my car.

Plus I have these chairs that need recovering at the Inn that stare at me every day, taunting me with their worn-ness.

Plus, plus, plus.

Speaking of "plus," ModCloth recently posted a survey asking "plus-size" women what they want their clothing sizes to be called. As in, do you prefer "woman," "plus-size," or any of many other terms. I said clothing should just be in sizes, period. Why differentiate?

I digress. All that to say that I am back. Back to getting organized and serious which included deleting plants vs zombies off of all my machines so I can't be a big ol' timewaster anymore. And, back to the blawgoland which seems to keep me honest because I can't bear to report that I'm a fuck-up. 

Poetic License "Need I Say Amour" heel in plaid
Speaking of getting serious, how about these shoes (top right) that I am wearing on my feets right this very minute? (No photograph because I don't have a picture taking device with me today).

I have been jonesing for a pair of Poetic License shoes forever but they are always waaaay out of my price range (also, new vs used). But then ModCloth had a rad super sale and I scored some for $30. Still expensive for me! These are far from my favorites but they were the only ones that were cheap and in my size.

"Luncheon My Way" wedge
On this same shopping spree I scored these RIDICULOUSLY 5" high shoes (floral wedges, at left) for $12. I wore them twice last week and didn't fall down, not even once! Pretty fun and also pretty but not exactly practical. Although I did wear them at an all-day client meeting, testing the limits of just how silly I can be professionally (turns out, really silly!).

"Peak's Island Picnic" one-piece
Annnnnd...one more item of Great Importance. For the first time in about eleventymillion years, I bought a swimsuit. On sale again, and very cute. On the model at right, at least, if not on me (RELAX, I'M FINE, SORRY IF I THINK THE SUIT LOOKS CUTER ON THE MODEL THAN ON ME. THAT'S NOT ME BEING DOWN ON MYSELF, JUST HONEST, OKAY? OKAY.)

*****
I find it sort of humorous that in a post about getting serious, I have posted three rather silly photos. Hey my serious is different than other people's serious!

Missed you. Talk soon.