Thursday, September 27, 2012

Fuck fuck fuck

The worst day is the day your dog dies.

I know this from experience. Way fucking too much experience. Five times now. The latest being today.

Our nine-year old girl Cotton yelped in the middle of the night and by the time we got to her side a minute later, she was dead. The vet thinks maybe a stroke, but we'll never know.

We are devastated. Heartbroken, wrecked, achingly and overwhelmingly sad. I couldn't function most of the day because of the weeping.

My friend HGM posted this quote on Facebook:

"It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them, and every new dog who comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart. If I live long enough all the components of my heart will be dog, and I will become as generous and loving as they are."

Yeah. That. 


A few days ago I was sharing some work-related anxieties with a colleague and she said, "But I always thought you were so confident!" And I thought, "huh - I am!" I think the only way I can be confident is cuz I know my anxieties.

Same goes for happiness. I only get to be happy because I know grief. Days like this one, I just wish I didn't know it so gawddamn well.  

X to the O people. And I'll leave you with this picture of my sweet, special girl Cotton and me. I'm gonna miss that chin.


  1. It is the worst day. The worst day is when the loving-without-wanting-anything friend dies. I often have sympathy in situations, but here I have empathy. I used to think that the phrase "it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all" was b.s. I know differently now. Lucky you. Lucky Scott. Lucky Cotton.

  2. I'm so sorry for your loss, and I hope that some day your heart is wholly dog heart too.