Thursday, April 19, 2012

unraveling

I have kind of slowly been unraveling for the past few weeks. So much so that I had to give myself a stern talking to and pep talk on my thursday night drive tonight (up to the inn).


Here's what unraveling looks like on me:

  • I fucked up my phone with superglue. Because I am a fucking idiot. And now I can't seem to get it fixed, and will probably have to get a new phone (my phone is just two months old). Blarg. Meanwhile, no phone. That's reallllly convenient.
  • One thing after another...work conference! Vacation! Sick! I feel like I lost a month, and kept putting things off until after this or that. So, now, behind...
  • ...Annnnnd, of course, I have big projects that I haven't made any headway on because I have been too busy procrastinating...
  • ...Annnnnd, also, I just can't really focus - at work, at the inn, anything. And that means that I'm just not getting anything done. Which is the worst for me since I'm an achievement whore.
  • I'm eating like a stupid person. A really gluttonous stupid person. Yeek.
  • My sewing machine is broken and my pile of mending looms large.
  • My trailer at the inn is messy, disorganized, and so ugly. It's a little demoralizing.
  • My car is running rough and probably needs some work done.
  • All of this combined makes me feel kind of out of control, and definitely Not My Best Self (in any way).
I know. None of this is a big deal, and I have it all so much better than most. I know. I just need to get a grip. I spent my ride to the inn tonight making my lists (in my head since I couldn't record 'em on my phone). I use that chart for prioritizing - the one that id's tasks as urgent/big impact, urgent/not big impact,  not urgent/big impact, or not urgent/not big impact. The problem is that practically everything falls under urgent/big impact. So...I guess I'll have a busy day tomorrow.

The other half of my drive up was an out-loud pep talk. For realz. "Okay. You can in fact get over this hump. First you need to clean your workspace. Eat fucking healthy. Check a few things off the list tomorrow. Sleep. And you WILL wake up chipper. ETC AND DORKY SO ON."

Not helpful? The fact that I hated my outfit today. I just didn't feel right. Thrifted:
  • Frye engineer boots $10
  • Gold studded belt $2
  • Oscar di la Renta striped shirt $4
  • Clingy sweater $4
  • Variousy bangles/jewelry $5
Not thrifted:
  • Anthropologie beautiful skirt  with a scene of sky and trees on it $39
  • Target orangey tights $5
What I would change about this outfit now that I've seen the photo:
  • This skirt is so freaking gorgeous. But not on me. It's supremely unattractive on me.
  • What was I thinking with the orange tights? 
  • Dear gawd. Blahchopwquorioe.
Total outfit cost: $69. GEEZ.

P.S. I will be up and at 'em tomorrow. Promise.

6 comments:

  1. I know you have a lot to do, but it really sounds like you need to hit the pause button. Breathe, honey, breathe. Take care of you for a change. We all love you.
    --Sue

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    1. Sluggish reply to your kind comment...THANK YOU SUE!

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  2. Ditto what Sue said. I really like the outfit....and absolutely love the new glasses!

    We all get derailed every now and again, it's just part of life. Take the necessary steps to get back on track with your eating plan, seems like this may be the source of your feeling so out of control. Hope you're feeling better real soon.

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    1. I know you made this comment eons ago, but I just wanted to say THANK YOU. And I am super back on track!

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  3. Just discovered this blog, Madeline. Reading it today sparked the wonderful memory of spending hours playing with outfits from the "dress-up" trunk, and my Mom's costume jewelry. This always included high heels and hats.
    Your writing inspires me, both in my own weight loss efforts, and even better, to once again play with the clothes, the jewelry, and the heels!
    Thanks,
    Ann

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    1. Right on Ann! And, maybe we need some more midnight movies to dress-up for?

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