Thursday, October 27, 2011

Want

I wish I didn't want things. I mean, I'm delighted that the things I want tend to fall into the category of junk for most people - thrift store clothes, used games, old highball glasses. Not even "vintage" really, cuz I'm too cheap to pay vintage prices. Just crap. But still, I want. Honestly I have 100 skirts. Maybe the same in cardigans. And I still can't resist stopping at another thrift store.

So yeah, I wish I didn't want things. It's nice to pretend that because I want crap it's not the same as wanting fancy things. But it's still want, and to me that's still weak. And I already have so much, so so much, so much more than I ever in life imagined that I don't understand why I still want. It makes me a little embarrassed.

(Hey! I should say that I'm on a plane after being away from Sir C and the dogs and the goats for three nights and that means it's time for crazy time airplane drinky time blogging. And I am watching Lady Gaga's monster ball on the tiny tv and you know what? It's so good. Did you know this? She's a freak and quite talented and it's kind of making me cry. Which isn't hard. Of course.)

I remember wanting a lot as a kid. So much so, that I spent a good portion of ages 10 to 12 shoplifting at the stores in my neighborhood. I was really, really good at it. (Also, HI FAMILY MEMBERS WHO LURK ON THIS HERE BLAWG. SURPRISE!)

I would ride my bike down to Payless. Remember Payless? I would shoplift little things, like boxes of jello (nope, can't explain that). In a generation-defining vignette, I sometimes would shoplift a Marathon candy bar and then go behind the Dairy Belle and scarf it down. Polish it off with a Suicide Slush for 21 cents. Dairy Belle, Payless, Marathon Bar - all gone now. Gawd I'm old! Whoa.

I worked my way up to shoplifting really big things in my puffy blue coat. Like: The entire Sunshine Family. If you don't know about the Sunshine Family, they were the hippie alternative to Barbie. The lived in a van and the lady wore a maxidress and the man had a beard and they carried the baby in a hippie backpack and had a vanagon camper thing and smoked marijuana. I loved them. You should look them up on ebay. (I don't think they smoked marijuana. I mean, I definitely think they did, but it's not like they had a little tiny plastic stash in the vanagon.)

I remember being in 7th grade (where I was TOTALLY the good catholic girl teacher's pet and wrote and then printed the school newspaper on a ditto machine) and the tough girls, kathleen rasch and yolanda cabral got in trouble for shoplifting on a school field trip. It only fucking made them tougher and cooler. And I remember thinking, about the stupid shit they shoplifted, "that? that's NOTHING. if they only knew..."

I never told anyone. So, no, I wasn't doing it to be popular. Who cares why I shoplifted? I don't! And then one day I got caught. Something stupid. Lifesavers maybe? I was at Payless, and a man grabbed my arm and took me to the Payless office. Searched my pockets. Found candy. I started crying, saying, "please don't tell my parents. please don't tell my parents." Over and over. He confiscated the goods, and told me to never come into Payless again. And sent me away.

I never shoplifted again. And I never went into Payless again. I remember Sir Cardigan and I stopping there on the way to my folks house and I made him go in and fetch what we needed because I was afraid to go inside. Fifteen or so years later. I know.

I'm glad my parents never knew. I would have hated to worry them. They had enough to deal with what with the nine kids, some of 'em truly troubled.

Whatever. I don't know why I'm writing this. OH YEAH. Airplane drinkytime melancholy.

****************************
Hey! Thrifty clothes time! I wore this to a bizness meeting. I've given up trying *not* to match my clothes to my hair at this point.

Thrifted:
  • Gold silk cardigan with pretty sheer edging on the sleeves and bottom $6
  • Silk shirt with vaguely asian AND british characters on it. I KNOW. I LOVE IT too. $5
  • Lovely Merrill 40s black wool pencil skirt $20
  • Navy blue suede belt $2
  • Green suede maryjane wedges $10
  • Miscellaneous gold jewelry $10
Not thrifted: Probably something. Who cares?

Shoplifted: Nothing. Ha ha.

What I would change about this outfit now that I've seen the photo:
  • Well, I think I just look like your basic garden variety business lady in this get up. But I still like it.
Total outfit cost: $53

PS: Right now the lady gaga is singing poker face. Which I really don't get as a song what with the silly words but you know? I've rewound it three times to hear it again. WTF.

PPS: Dudes. Lady gaga's yellow hair is very kinda like my bangs right now.

PPPPS: I am going to go ahead and publish this post even though I am fairly certain I will blush when I read it tomorrow.

PPPPPS: Or maybe I should LIVE BLAWG the rest of the concert.

PPPPPPS: Don't worry. I don't think I can do that.

PPPPPPPS: OH SHIT. Before I could publish, Lady Gaga put on the costume that I made for my darling stephanoodle last year for halloween. Can you tell the difference between the lady gaga and the stephanoodle?


3 comments:

  1. Mother of Zeus here (aka J Do):

    I too want. I want a lot. Like you, I am not proud of this. I actually find it to be one of my primary character flaws and battles in life.

    I too came from a family that had less than jack -- less than less than jack. I can't count on two hands how many times my amazingly talented, devoted, genius mom had to pawn her wedding and engagement ring because my step dad had gambled or drank away her paycheck. It was embarassing. And I did feel jealous of those kids in school who took for granted the things they had that I couldn't even dare to hope for.

    I also was everybody's absolutely favorite good girl in my private Christian school although, like you, I was privately doing bad girl things. I got cauth like you and never did it again either.

    I think the want in me is part a nostalgia for the objets with which I associate good moments amongst the shit heap of my childhood. The Empire Strikes Bag Burger King glasses I just got from Ebay. The old school Battle Ship game in my den. I don't go for the highball glasses but the tumblers...which seems to be the only deviance of mine from your model.

    But then there is the other want And it is want for want's sake. And I don't like it.

    Thanks for sharing. You are not alone on this.

    And, yes, I love you, Dear Friend.

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  2. So much I want to say that my brain is a jumble. So, I'll just say wow. And, you out-Gaga'd Gaga.
    --Sue

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  3. Wow, a LOT in this blog. It must have been hard to not be able to just buy what you wanted. But obviously there was more to the issue than that, deeper things. And now, owner of 100 skirts, what will you do? Donate most of them back? Per haps the fun was just in the collecting? I have six skirts and think that's too many. It's all perspective, eh? I found this to be a very deep blawg and it's possibly too much for my brain to handle on no coffee. But you are honest and funny and you will work out whatever is niggling at you in your brain.

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