Thursday, October 20, 2011

Power suit

To my nearly daily astonishment, I have what I believe they call a "career." It cracks me up. Who knew? Most of the time, I am surprised that a fuck-up* like me has a great big real job.

I'm not talking about the inn. Which is also astonishing and rather astoundingly real too. I'm talking about my (ha ha!) day job. In which I am ceo of a small company. I KNOW. WHAT??

Like (I presume) lots of career ladies, I have spent a fair amount of time going through all that shit that ladies' magazines say we ladies go through in the bizness world: feeling imposter-y, thinking that maybe I missed some class that showed you how to pretend you know what you're doing all the freaking time, thinking I'm an outsider, vague feelings that I don't deserve any of it. And so on and so forth. Stupid shit, all of it.

However. Somewhere along the way I decided to (mostly) not sweat it. I'm here. I'm gonna do my best. And my work - the challenges of having to do really good work for clients about whom I give a fuck - is real stuff that I ought to sweat versus wasting my sweaty time on silly things.

I've been thinking about that a little cuz I had a Great Big Big-time Bizness Meeting today and I had to settle up inside my skin and focus and nail it. Which I did. I think. We'll see.

And then I got in my car and drove up to the inn and had plenty of time to MULL and NOODLE and think about just what the heck happened somewhere along the way to make me feel like I am a-ok in this job and can nail a big ol' meeting when necessary.

So here you go, courtesy of a three-hour drive and two glasses of wine.


1. I am just about as good as anyone else in doing whatever the heck I am doing. Maybe not better. Maybe not worse. But just about as good as anyone else.

2. If I actually sit in a meeting and listen, really, actually, listen and be actually, truly present, I will probably be just fine. When clients are paying me to be in a meeting, that goes double. I try not to even check my phone. Which drives friends and colleagues nuts if I am in a long meeting. Because unless you are on fire, I am not paying attention to you while I am in a meeting.

3. I know what I'm doing. That is not to say that I am a know-it-all (although I kind of am). But, rather, I have done what I do a lot and that experience and knowledge counts for something. I trust that.

4. I really dig that I work with a bunch of smarty-pants over-achievers who will not let me get away with anything.

5. I think being friendly and kind goes a long way.

6. Letting my freak flag fly appears to be a good thing. I mean, I'm a little kooky. And clients and colleagues a like seem to appreciate that just fine. And when I am just myself in a meeting, what with the swearing and the dreadlocks and the blunt-ness, all is fine. Really, really fine.

7. Feeling good about myself physically matters. For me, that means slapping on the makeup and the hairdo and the power suit. Like today. I very thoughtfully put myself together in a way that would make me feel like I was the shit so that I could be my very most confident self. Hey! I'm about to actually write about clothes on this here clothing blawg, so listen up.

Today, I picked out my favorites so I would feel extra confident.
  • This hair do:

  • This cardigan:

  • This skirt:

  • These shoes:
The end. Or to be continued. Or whatever.

*Listen, I get that I'm not a fuck-up by most standards. But YOU GUYS. I lose things constantly. I avoid doing things I don't want to do (like a freaking five-year-old) (like my expense reports). I never met a late fee I didn't have to pay. One time, I didn't renew my driver's license for four years. I didn't have license plates on my car for nearly two years. I have bought plane tickets twice for the same trip like four times. HONESTLY. How do I function?**

** I function, in large part, because of Mr. Cardigan's rather remarkable attention to not just OUR details, but MY details. Lucky. Also, my assistant-type-dude at work is kind of scary and I don't want to disappoint him with my fucked-up-ness. Even though I do, all the time.


  1. Terrific! You felt/looked good and you give courage to all of us who wouldn't normally have it all together if not for help from our loved ones. I am now fifty and finally, finally have a BIT of the knowledge about self that I thought I'd have when I was thirty. So, Rock On!

  2. You are nothing short of marvelous. You always have been. Because you have a gigantic amount of hutzpuh (spelling). And that will get you anywhere and everywhere. The fact that you have the energy of seven people and the I.Q. of fifteen doesn't hurt either :-)
    --A Fan (AKA Sue)