Friday, August 12, 2011

The F word

You wouldn't know it by the demure pose over there in the photo but that lady does indeed swear like a sailor. Especially the f word. Like: fucking a! Infuckingcredible! Also, fucking incredible! Fuck that shit. And so on. I know there are many other more refined and specific words I could use - I mean, I do actually write for a living. But the f word is my trusty little all-purpose friend. Plus, swearing is badass and funny, right?

But, actually, fuck is not the f word I'm talking about. I'm actually talking about the other f word. Fat.

It has come to my attention that some people don't like it when I use the word fat to describe my current and past self. "You're not fat!" Etc. But the thing is, I am fat. And so what? It's just not a big deal.

Turns out, fat is a freaking loaded word for just about everyone.
  • For some, my comments about me somehow reflect on them. Like, if I think I'm fat than you must be fat. Look, I don't know what your deal with your body is. But if my blawg blathering is something you take seriously or to be about you...ummm, no. It's my thing. Take it, leave it, whatevs.
  • For some, my ownership of my fat-ness is some sort of "fat acceptance campaign." This is silly for 9000 reasons. Mostly that I've never been into the whole fat acceptance thing. It's just dang fat, not some sort of political movement to me.
  • For some, the fact that I post pictures of myself while fat shows that I have Some Gall. As in "gee she sure seems PROUD of being FAT."And, well, I AM proud, I guess. But not of being fat. Of being me. Not weirdly proud. Just "hey let's face the day with confidence and spunk, okey doke" type of proud. I mean, I'm not ashamed to be fat. Sorry. Just not.
  • For some, the word fat should only be said in hushed tones. You know, too bad, she has such a pretty face. Saying it out loud is like saying a bad word. It's not done in public. But we've established that I have no problem with ye olde bad words, so no problem here. This is where the f word and the f word are the same, how about that!
  • For some - make that a LOT - fat is just plain icky. Fat people are icky. This group, well, they just don't like fat people. It is difficult to hide your dislike of fat people, no matter how hard you try. My saying fat a lot - well, I'm not hip to the psychobabble, but I believe it is me defensively trying to take the power away from you so your ineffectively veiled disgust doesn't hurt me. Well, as much. I say fat so that I can beat you to it.

    I know about the group that hates fat people all to well for the same reason that every fat person knows 'em too well: they're everywhere, every day, they're my friends. Sigh. The thing that is the worst, for me at least, about this group is that the fat-people-haters like to couch their disgust in "concern for my health" and the like. Given that I almost never get sick and am remarkably healthier than a lot of people, it's pretty much bullshit. And yes, of course, I know the long term problems associated with weight. That's not bullshit - it's why I've lost the weight. But your disgust of me and other fat people? Here's a clue: it's not about my health.

    What it IS about is your deep fear of being fat yourself. I think. I'm not positive, but I think that you see in me and my fatness something that you don't want to be. I get that. It's what I believe they call "projection." And I just refuse to play (anymore). Your shit about your own fears of getting fat just ain't my shit. I plug my ears and say la la la la to you!
But I digress!

The point of all this nonsense is that I think I look fat in this outfit/photo. Since looking fat is not actually my goal, yes, that's a negative. No big. It's not like I look like I have something wrong with me. I don't, say, look like I have cancer in this photo. That would be bad. I also don't look, say, mean in this photo. That, too, would be bad. I just look fat.

Thrifted:
  • Ing cotton skirt with silkscreened black deer on it along with sequins. A strange combination for sure - see a closeup of the deer-on-the-town below $4
  • Black tshirt $4
  • Black and white checked shirt $4
  • Ivory cardigan $5
  • Chunky heeled black boots $10
  • Pearl clipons $1
Not thrifted:
  • Old black studded belt $0
What I would change about this outfit now that I've seen the photo:
  • I love the idea of layers but I have trouble making them work. I think this doesn't work because the skirt is full and the layers are also full versus more fitted. In my head this was more fitted but the shirt is just too blousy I think. Thus, I look kinda fat in this photo.
Total outfit cost: $28

PS Were you wondering just what kind of deer has sequins? This kind, friends:


5 comments:

  1. About a hundred years ago when I was home from school fake sick and watching that old Phil Donahue show -- remember? with the studio audience? I think it was filmed in Chicago... ANYWAY -- he was interviewing a Plus Size (although I don't think we had that term then) model. She called herself "fat" and Phil, along with many of the audience members were uncomfortable with the label. She asked what he would prefer, and PD said how about "overweight". She laughed and said, "Over whose weight? I'm not over MY weight! I'm the weight I am. That's silly, I'm fat."

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  2. Amen! (Amen as in "I believe" not as in "you won me over with your fat campaign." You absofuckinlutely hit the nail on the head. Fat isn't bad or good; it just is. Sadly, the best of friends fear it so much they must hate it in you or me or others but you, dear Blogger, sound like you have your head screwed on straight and are dieting or not dieting for all the right reasons. You are enjoying your slimmer body and all the clothes it now wears and that is great. But you weren't living in seclusion before the diet either. Rock on!!!

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  3. What perfect timing!!

    While riding home from work today, stopped at a red light, a drunk homeless dude crossed the street in front of me and called me "fattie". I spent blocks being hurt, angry, indignant...but nobody's perfect, drunk-at-3pm-homeless dude - so :p

    And also, way to stand your ground, Madeline! (Phew, that was hard to type...)

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  4. The whole "fat" thing has a twin named "age." If you ever want to acquire a super-power of your very own (amaze your family and friends!), get old. Or, better still, old and fat. You'll become invisible. This human tendency to systematically refuse to recognize things which are also uncomfortable reminders that the wheel of life turns for all of us and that we must all face the fact that someday our own imperfect personage will wither is a major reason we seem to be so enamored with political leaders who "look" like they are capable of making intelligent choices on our behalf. How sad that we sell out not only ourselves but our entire society in the pursuit of stupidity. :-(

    Upon review, I also have to admit to a few very rambling sentences in the above rather disjointed paragraph. Sorry about that. "Profound" does not usual work well with "tired."

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  5. Hey! thanks you guys for commenting on this little post. Each of your comments was sort of amazing in their own way. Thank you, thank you.

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